2015 was a year of a lot of changes. Most notably, I quit my full-time job as a PostSec Counsellor. I was doing my PhD “full-time” as a single mom, as a business owner, and working full-time at my job. It was exhausting. It was madness. Yet, there was a sense of pride. I can do this, I would often say during the good times.
But there were more often times of incredible stress and isolation during the bad times. And I had more and more bad times as I continued on in my PhD.
It wasn’t that the academics were bringing me down. Not at all. I love the field I am in. I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t passionate about learning. I wouldn’t continue if this subject brought me depression, anxiety or unhappiness. I know this about myself.
But I wasn’t in love with my job. I was doing it to stay connected with my First Nation. I was doing it for a steady pay. I was doing it because it was secure.
But after a long an lengthy discussion with my academic supervisor, the school, and my parents, I quit my job. I knew it was the right choice for me, personally, as I needed more time to work on my studies. I needed more time to travel without obligation to a 9-5 desk job. I needed to love all aspects of my life.
So I really feel that I survived 2015. And it wasn’t a glorious survival. I didn’t walk out of it going, “Yes! I have done my best, and I have created a fulfilling life for me and my daughter.” I came out of it with my bills paid. My academic schedule somewhat on course. My business structure going strong with defined goals for 2016.
So I know what made me unhappy in 2015. And I know my goals for 2016. To write more on this blog. To cultivate my life in written word and in experience. To buy much, much less and travel more. To publish that damn book of love poems. To show my daughter each ocean and let her walk on sandy beaches. To pick up my camera and photograph our life. To embrace and saturate myself with feelings.
Happy 2016. Much Love.
